Union News Turn 14

Following medical efforts from Valk Tiller and Sarr of the Varuja, the taint of the Necromancer that was spreading through General Kopeck Deepcut has been cleansed. The General is now in fine health, just in time for his wedding.

After a stag knight like nothing the world has ever seen, it was time for the wedding. The groom turned up slightly late, having had to be hurriedly removed from a suit of power army he was drunkenly welded into, and the service began. The highlight of the occasion was the speech from Kopeck's close friend, Guildmistress Evelyn Minver;

“And so I turn to congratulate Kopek on his marriage and offer my condolences to Anja for hers.

I've known Kopek for over 15 years and he is one of my closest friends. I cannot think of someone Anja could rely on more and I cannot think of anyone better for my dear friend to want to spend the rest of his life with.

Traditionally at this point I am supposed to tell some embarrassing tale of the groom, a wild story from his past. There was the one time I decided that I needed to work out a new postal route, and Kopek said he'd come with me. When I arrived he was ready to go. Ready to go on an expedition into the storms perhaps. He had packed everything and anything you could possibly consider needing. Rope, tent, food, water, blankets, medical supplies, firewood, flint, flares, sword, spare sword, knife, hammer… after taking ten steps and nearly falling over I persuaded him to leave most of it behind. He even had fourteen pages of tables listing every possible eventuality on the trip, how to deal with it using what equipment and the security clearance of the result. But I think that shows how thoroughly Kopek thinks about everything he does, how meticulously he plans things and how he wants to be prepared for every eventuality.

There was also the time of course when we had been out drinking and perhaps had one too many… K became convinced that we were being followed and insisted that we took the most circuitous and damn awkward route home. I swear I was picking muddy leaves out of my hair for weeks! Upon closer inspection it was discovered that the 'fiendish villain' who had been following us was a cat.

However other than these very rare occasions the truth is that Kopek has never been anything but stayed, courageous, reliable and trustworthy since I met him. His tales of daring and his adventures I could go endlessly on about. But I'm not going to tell you about those, besides I suspect his wife could equal them with tales of her own exploits and I'd hate to be the one to start a competition between them. Anja, you have a man who would do anything for you, who will honour and respect you and will defend you to the end, but just make sure he remembers to stop work and go home every night.

Raise your glasses ladies and gentlemen and let us drink the health of the happy couple!”

Following an official investigation from the Office of Marshalls, the shady organisation known as the Harlequin was raided and closed down. Reports state that several war veterans of the Union were found within in varying stages of psychological breakdown and illegal physiological modifications. The scientists, psychologists and officials involved in the Harlequin are now in Marshall Custody, awaiting trial.

And they're off!

“Well Gary, This is the first checkpoint challenge, and I have to say, I'm on the edge of my seat!”

“Indeed Gary, While we've seen the Herald Rockets out in the open, they've lost their advantage here among the archipelago. Those flags have been carefully placed to test both speed and cornering!”

“And look at that! Chtoth has reached his first flag and isn't even dismounting to collect. That was a barrel roll ladies and gentleman. A barrel roll to snatch the flag while hanging from his tail! That is one startled official don't you think?”

“Probably against Union Regulations Gary.”

“Ha ha! How right you are Gary.”

“Now it seems Valk has given up trying to fly between fragments, and is simply walking across the archipelago. ooooooh! Thats gonna do some field damage.”

“And take all day while he- Look at that! The Titan has stubbed its toe on an Ancient Relic from a Time Before History! Not only is that a time penalty, Valks having trouble conforting his giant.”

“Hand that monster a tissue, Gary”

“Well Clintina is doing well. She's making a beeline for her second flag. Unfortunately that was a bad choice of route. Any navigator would have seen the spin on the Church of Founders flag would lead it right next to her. I guess we can't all be navigators eh?”

“Hold that thought Gary, We have a development here folks! It seems Slasher McGee has Opened Fire on Willian Blacknails! Yes folks, you heard us right. Is this a race? Is this a battle? McGee certainly doesn't know! Thats a lot of cannons there, isn't it Gary.”

“I'm more concerned about those tendrils of mist Gary. They're reaching right for Blacknail's engine!”

“On no they aren't. look down there! Is that the- Yes! Its the Jazzy Frigate, and Twolegs seems to be making a play for the mist too. Which side is this pirate on? The mist is moving. Its twisting. Its- Its slicing back at McGee folks! McGee's engine has been severed! And now Blacknails is returning fire! McGee is aflame, and it looks like he's going just fast enough for last place!”

“Indeed Gary. Now a word from our sponsors.”