Captain Burton Twolegs - Ted Salwell


Tales of a Pirate Lord

The elderly sailor had one leg, one eye, a hook for a hand, and a pipe in his mouth. People knew salty Pete had been a sailor all his life, and if there was anything about the craft he didn't know, it weren't worth knowing. In the corner of the Bar, near a roaring fire, he had gathered quite a crowd to listen to his advice. With grog in one hand, and pipe in mouth, he began to speak.

'Aye, let me tell ya a tale. A tale o' the Pirate who weren't ever a king, but were one o' the best damn pirates this world has ever seen.

Admiral Two-Legs, devoted servant of the Pirate king, worshipper of Jazz, an' Cap'n of the Jazzy Destroyer. It's said that he were an awesome man: Stood at the helm, in his Commadores' hat, with his mighty ship. It's said, in the heat of battle, his hat would catch aflame, and his ship would be surrounded by darkness, and then ya'd know ye were doomed. It's said, he were blessed by the Gods. It's said, at his height, he sailed with 20 pirate vessels at his command, and was feared by navies 'cause o' his skill with a cannon.

I don't know if it's true. But there was this one time that maybe suggests somthin' wasn't right about the man. The Navy had him trapped. Fifty vessels ta his twenty. Orders ta kill and take no prisoners. An' the Adm'ral strode ta the frount o' his might ship, and looked at em. It's said a smile crossed his face, and he ran up the white flag o' parlay, and wen't towards the vessels in a rowboat. Now, he coulda bin killed, one shot from a cannon. But no; the naval Admiral was an honourable man, and met Two Legs in the middle. They talked fer 2 hours, and then they retreated. One by one, the 20 pirate vessels put up the white flag an' left. Cap'n Two legs were the pnly vessel left, squereing off against 50 ships, alone.

Well, nobody knows what he offer'd 'em ta give his ships freedom. Mayhaps it was himself. But if it were, he weren't goin' down without a fight. After his ships had left, it's said the Cap'n, cause he was only a cap'n now, smiled at the Admiral opposite him, and signaled somthing in semaphore.

It said 'I may have sworn on Ten fingers, and be bound by the code and me oath, but let me tell ya somthing. Ya forgot ta say which months…' People say the admiral went white, and his ships began pushing out guns, but it were too late.

Two Legs ran up the Jazzy Roger, his Jazz band began ta play, and his sail billowed in the still air. It's said his ship lept for'ards as if the devil himself pushed it, and the jazzy sailed it'a the middle o' the fleet, alone, an' began ta fire. He sank vessels ta the left, right and centre, dodging returned cannon balls with a ship which turned so quick it shoulda by rights ripped in two.

As the enemies fired with the skill and training o' the navy, the air about the Jazzy began ta boil black, and the cannon balls sailed inta the fog, an' out the other side, ta hit allies or go flying inta space. Indeed, they say rather than keep the range, he were right there, in the middle o' the fleet, leadin ta them causing as much damage to themselves as ta him. Still, afore he were done, his ship was burning, but he didn't stop. It's said he sunk 20 ships, damaged 10 beyond repair, scared off another 20, and was left, with a sinking vessel, a half dead crew, and a burning ship facing the admiral's flag ship, alone. Despite the fact there were no-one playing, it's said ye could here Jazz in the air, a horrible, echoing Saxophone which lifted pirate's hearts, and caused honest men ta feel like cryin'.

They say he coulda run, that the fast Jazzy would'a out paced the flagship no problem, but no he sailed right at it. They say he went full speed, and then some, firing as he went. His burning vessel smashed inta the flagship, and set it alight, and he shoulda died then and there. But no, he were aboard the Flagship; his crew all dead, dying or fled, and him there, alone, fighing off a battlion of marines on a ship sinkin' inta the mists, with a smile on his face. By now, his hat were burning, and a broken cutlass was in his hand. It's said, thus attired, he faced off the Admiral, and held him aboard whilst the ship sank, still burning, around them. It's said, as the mists lapped up the deck, he leant close, and whispered to the Admiral.

Fifteen Men
On a dead man's chest.
Yo ho yo ho, and a bottle of rum.

Ye danced with the devil.
And left him impressed.
Yo ho yo ho, and a bottle of rum.

But I'll have ye know.
I'll never rest.
Yo ho, yo ho, and a bottle of Rum!

'tis a Pirates life fer me!
Yo ho, Me harties, Heave ho!

With this, Burton ran him through, and lept for the wheel. He seemed to guide the ship deliberately down into the cold misty depths, laughing like a madman. Some say he used his blessing from the mists and escaped, and is still out there. Others say he died, and those out there are imitators playing his name.

I say this. If ye sail with a crew of true pirates, see off ye foes with cannon and shot. If ye plunder, steal, and live a good life. If ye follow the code, and act like men, an', above all, if ye always listen. Then, in the darkness o' the night, from outta the mist, ye'll see a ship, still burning, with a Flag still showing a Skull in a buring hat above two saxophones. Ye'll hear Jazz that isn't of this earth being played on a broken saxophone, and the sounds o' battle and death abound. And on deck will be a smiling man in a burning hat. And ye'll know then, that ye're true pirates. If ye follow him, he'll lead ye either ta treasure, or ta death based on nought more than the flip of a coin. He's devoted to anarcy, ye see. Perfectly fair, and perfectly random.

O'course. This is only what they say. I wouldn't know meself.'

Salty Pete, a strange smile on his face, took somthing from his pocket. He put it on the bar, told the barman to 'keep the change', and wandered out, grog still in hand. The barman took what had been left, and looked. In his hand, shining gold, a single, perfect, ancient dubloon…

bio/game2/burton_twolegs_bio.txt · Last modified: 2009/03/10 14:14 by gm_rob